Waiting to Exhale taught me so much

One of the most influential movies to ever teach me about sex debuted twenty years ago, today – the beastly Waiting to Exhale. That movie taught me so much about sex and sexuality from the African American woman’s perspective. From Angela Basset setting an entire BMW on fire because her husband left her for a white woman he was having sex with, and who doubled as his secretary. To Whitney’s high-class ass having sex with a man who makes the most guttural sounds when he orgasms during sex. And Lela Rochon’s abortion… And lest we never forget that Queen Sister Loretta Divine kisses Gregory Hines. There was just so much… And that soundtrack a piece of art! There should be an entire 3-hour class session dedicated to analyzing this movie.

Married + 10 years + No sex = ___________.

I met a man a few days ago. He has been married for 16 years. He hasn’t had sex with his wife in 11 years. She said she has had no desire because of something he said to her 11 years ago. He is desperate, and wants a divorce. Without saying the following…:

1. I would have left that relationship a long time ago

2. He should have been cheated

3. She is cheating on him

4. He’s the victim and she is the devil

…how would you have handled this if it were you?

Court is now in session!


Summer, I will miss you…

WOW. What a summer. There was a birthday, a glorious day on the river, a magnificent wedding, and another birthday. There was an emergency tooth extraction that left me voiceless… Such a lesson for me. There was the killing of yet another Black Prince, and the non-arrest of another white man. Summer I will miss you… Shall we do this again, same time next year? I think so too…


Just because we had sex doesn’t mean_______.

1. That we are in love

2. That we will fall in love

3. That we have to be “weird” to each other in the days that follow

4. That we will be forever

5. That we will meet each other’s friends

6. …or family

7. That there will be a second time

8. That the sex will be good/better/best the second time

9. That either of us will remember any details in a few years


It does mean that we chose to share a part of ourselves in that moment… For some there is nothing more, or nothing less.

Feel free to add to this non-exhaustive list…

Court is in session.

Have you ever had* sex because of a song?


While listening to some old Jodeci “Freek’n You,” it occurred to me that those of us raised in the 80s and 90s listened to some “nasty” music. And if we are honest with ourselves, our parents were listening to some “nasty” music too (think Clarence Carter, “I be Strokin’,” Marvin Sease, “Candy Licker,” and Betty Wright, “Tonight is the Night”)!!  So the question becomes, have you ever actually had sex because of a song?

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Masturbation is like Spaghetti

If you love food as much as I do, you understand a fundamental concept: if you can’t master the basics, nothing else matters.  You could spend hours making the most delicious fois gras or caviar but, if you can’t make a mean pot of spaghetti* I ain’t impressed. And the same goes for sex. Continue reading

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My Guest Post is Live!

Shay PP

I was recently presented with the opportunity to write for a great blog called The Parents Project and that post is live!! I am so excited to share it. The post offers tips on ways for parents to have “the talk” with their children.

Feel free to read my post as well as play around with resources on The Parents Project!

More importantly, share with us what your parents/guardians/old folks told you about sex!

Court is now in session!

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To have sex with (or date) a bisexual, or not? That is the question.


It’s no secret that conversations about sexual behavior can make some folks turn up rather quickly.  And there are many, many behaviors that cause folks to project a side-eye, but nothing gets the party hype like asking, “Who among you would sleep with a known bisexual?” Immediately, Continue reading


The [(potentially) hard] questions.

Who are you sexually?

How did you become this person?

Do you like the sexual person you have become?

Are you proud of your sexual self?

Do you hate your sexual self?

What is the name of the best lover you’ve ever had?

Is the best lover you’ve ever had you…?

Where do you feel sexually inadequate?

Where do you feel sexually free?

Have you talked to Jesus about any of this?

What did he say?

Not a fan of Jesus? Cool.  Well, have you talked to any supernatural being about your sexual self?

Do you feel ashamed or guilty after you watch porn?

You don’t watch porn? Ok, well how about after you masturbate? You don’t masturbate either? Ok, send me an email so we can rectify that.

Who loved the way your genitals looked?

Who made you feel ashamed about the way your genitals looked?

What are your sexual fantasies? You don’t fantasize either. Send me that email ASAP.

Court is now in session.

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You think they’re cheating, so you invade their privacy


It’s happened to the best of us.  Those fleeting moments when your spirit tells you that your partner may be cheating on or lying to you. It’s a weird feeling ain’t it?  A feeling that makes you question everything you know to be true in life. When this feeling shows up some people talk to a trusted friend to get their opinion on how to approach the situation; while others may not tell a single soul.

And then you have the other people…

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