Have you ever had* sex because of a song?

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While listening to some old Jodeci “Freek’n You,” it occurred to me that those of us raised in the 80s and 90s listened to some “nasty” music. And if we are honest with ourselves, our parents were listening to some “nasty” music too (think Clarence Carter, “I be Strokin’,” Marvin Sease, “Candy Licker,” and Betty Wright, “Tonight is the Night”)!!  So the question becomes, have you ever actually had sex because of a song?

There has been a lot of discussion about what children and young people are listening to on the radio and youtube.  And I understand, every other song on the radio is somebody talking about pushing panties to the side, riding surfboards, spending  a stack to watch two girls kiss, and asking for a threesome as a birthday present. I get it. At least when Jodeci was on the radio there was a balance – you heard some trash (rarely) and you heard some really good music (often).

My concern is that we are using music, Hip-Hop specifically, as a scapegoat and avoiding the real issue: no one is talking to young people about sex. If you are not engaging young people in discussions about what they are listening to, then how can you be mad when they “perform” what they hear and see?

More importantly, are young people actually having sex because of lyrics they listen to or because they’re going through puberty and are horny all the damn time? Are they having sex because they watched a music video or because someone whispered something “nasty” in their ear at their locker, their knees got weak, and that made them feel good? This ain’t quantum physics folks; young people are having sex because that is what their body is designed to do at this age.

When I had sex for the first time as an adolescent it was not because of Akinyele’s “Put it in your mouth,” or because Trina gave me explicit instructions on how to be “Da Baddest B!tch.” Having sex had nothing to do with R. Kelly and “12 Play,” it had everything to do with my feeling ready, willing, and able. Could I have waited another year or two? Sure. Would there have been more “nasty” music on the radio then? Absolutely. So let’s stop blaming music and have the real conversations.

Court is now in session…

*Having sex “to” a song is not the same as having sex “because of” a song. Having drunk or high sex “to” a song is also different than having sex “because of” a song.

3 thoughts on “Have you ever had* sex because of a song?

  1. I agree 1000 percent. Uncomfortable conversations need to happen. My Moms sat me down and told me about some things about sex that made me laugh, but when I encountered the situations, I was able to choose, because I knew the alternative, because I was already informed by someone who loved and cared about me, so it held a lot of weight. Let me be clear about this, I had a very dysfunctional upbringing. I was man of the house at a very early age. Paying the bills. Thw whole nine. You couldn’t tell me nothing. I’m a Taurus. Moms is a Capricorn. Power struggle from jump street. She caught my attention because she asked me one day out the blue if I was using condoms. Before I could answer, she gave me some. I had no choice bit to listen and respect what came out of her mouth after that. Stop pointing fingers everywhere else but at yourselves parents. Priorities have to be refocused. Nothing should be more mportant than educating your children about sex, before entertainers do. Stop letting everything be so taboo. There is nothing new under the sun. Talk about it, so your children won’t be so quick to be about it. Children can’t be responsible about sex if parents aren’t having responsible conversation about six. Just my opinion, straight from the heart, no chaser.

    One love.

  2. Fabulous Nerd says:

    Brenda Russell’s “If Only for One Night” got me into bed. But there are a few other songs that would get me to strip down faster than all the talk in the world —

    1) Barry White (almost everything, but…) “There it Is” (he lets you know that he is single-minded during sex, and you are the subject of his passion), and “Practice What You Preach” (this is the put up or shut up song and his deep bass just makes you want to practice whatever comes to mind and then some),

    2) Luciana Mello (Afro Brazilian songstress) “Simples Desejo” (translated as simple wish, or simple desire, this ranks alongside Brenda Russell).

    I get hot walking down the street listening to all of these songs and sometimes I put them on repeat as I look over the crowds in the street wondering…

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