To have sex with (or date) a bisexual, or not? That is the question.

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It’s no secret that conversations about sexual behavior can make some folks turn up rather quickly.  And there are many, many behaviors that cause folks to project a side-eye, but nothing gets the party hype like asking, “Who among you would sleep with a known bisexual?” Immediately, the “”Hell Naws” start flying out of people’s mouths, tables get flipped over, and twitter feeds light up with caution warnings that there may be a bisexual on the loose.  But, why all the ruckus?

I mean it’s as if bisexuals are the most hated folks on the planet. The Gays don’t like ‘em. The Straights don’t like ‘em. Who knows, there may even be a hidden bible verse where God condemns them to Bisexual Hell which may be worse than Gay Hell. ::insert sarcasm here::

And I’ve heard everything. Women say they won’t sleep with a bisexual man because “he is really just gay and playing with people’s emotions.” Then you have rappers like T-Pain who say, “she don’t even like girls but a stack will make her kiss her.” Lesbians feel like bisexual women are “nasty” because they ride a surfboard every now and again.  Gay men, don’t seem to care.

So for real, what is the deeper issue with bisexuality? Is it that people are truly afraid that they’ll be on the losing end somehow?  Is it that we are conditioned to believe that sex and love is a competition and I can’t compete against someone who “has something I don’t have?”

But the truth is, you can have your heart broken by anyone.  You can be “left” by anyone. You will be in competition with everyone if that is your approach to sex and love (I personally and professionally would suggest you stop treating sex and love as a competition). And let’s keep it all the way funky and say that some of you are dating “confused” people right now and they have the same sexual orientation as you. ::side eye happening at this very moment::

So, what’s the real reason good people?

P.S. – If you say “it is a matter of preference,” explain how you developed this preference.

Court is in session…

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11 thoughts on “To have sex with (or date) a bisexual, or not? That is the question.

  1. Nigel Christopher says:

    If Lupita Nyong’o was available, YES. The question is, “If she were bi-sexual, would she have sex with ME?”

    • LMAO! So, her bisexuality wouldn’t turn you off in the least bit?

      • Nigel Christopher says:

        No ma’am. I’ve been there and done that. Ultimately, if and when it came down to a one-on-one relationship, I’d probably lose out. I’ve been there before, too.

        If a woman’s bi-sexual, there are things I can’t do for her that a woman can. I’ve tried.

  2. Shelby Cox says:

    Wouldn’t be turned off one bit. As long as they’re into me, I’m into them and they’re clean and respectful of the relationship we have if we’re in one…ain’t no problems in my book.

  3. shelita says:

    when i was coming out i first identified as being bisexual because I was told that if your weren’t a gold star and/or find a penis repulsive that you weren’t a lesbian. and you weren’t entitled to ANYTHING and ALL things that was lesbian and lesbian related. I just recently had this conversation with another woman at a PQWOC sponsored event. The bio-phobia was so real, I was like this is straight up prejudice an in some cases, easily synonymous with racism. So you are really going to walk around with a rainbow a flag telling the straight community not to judge us an yet you do it to a group of people who has a letter in the acronym GLBT. The irony is the word “choice” is damn near kryptonite in the gay community but I have actually heard lesbians say bisexual people should just choose. Now granted i don’t really identify as bisexual anymore but i still get pissed off at the phobia and/or negative remarks that are hurled at transgender people an other races in the queer community. One of my many issues I have with the GLBT community is don’t paint yourself as this all inclusive community when everybody knows that’s not true. You never hear from well known established GLBT organizations calling people within the queer community out all this. But you will get on Kobe Bryant or any other public figure for saying the word faggot. But won’t call each other out on the same ignorant bullshit. I find it to be very hypocritical an I just decided not to hang out with some closed-minded individuals. I have also noticed in my travels that people who subscribed to that mindset generally have serious character and/or mental health issues anyway that them being that ignorant is the least of their problems. and I don’t got time for that shit. I got other agendas to tend to. If you could hate on somebody on that sheer premise god only knows what else you can “hate” on. Can’t be half way pregnant so there is no such things as being a half way haterist.

  4. All of the people I have dated have either had relations with someone of either/all genders or is attracted to either/all genders. The things about it is we are all a people. We all have attractions and who am I to be to try to invalidate that (?) Like Shelby said – they like me, I like them, we cool, respectful of one another and developing a healthy relationship then I don’t give a flying Pegasus who you’re attracted to. Simple as that.

  5. Fabulous Nerd says:

    Can we define bisexual? Is it someone who is responding to their sexuality in an open manner, understanding that love is the prize not someone’s genitalia. I don’t specifically claim bisexuality, but I know that my sexual attractions have something to do with what the person is putting out on many levels, intellectually, physically, emotionally, psychically, etc. If your talk is gooood, you are 80% of the way to my bed! I know that both women and men can exhibit there qualities, and that is the attraction. What can be done in bed—well ya’ll know you can purchase some equipment and take lessons using some you are born with and a good time can be had by all, so long as you are as Shelby says “clean and respectful.”

    • YESSSSSSSS Fabulous Nerd!!!! Love the “80% of the way to my bed!” Amen and Hallelujah! And to answer your question, bisexuality is so not cut and dry (in terms of definitions) but most folks think it is. So for this post, it can be however you want to define it!

  6. Gwendolyn says:

    Thank you so much for writing this piece LaShay!! Its very disheartening, emotionally painful, and as Shelita alluded to at times even traumatic for out bisexuals to enter Lesbians and Queer (monosexual) spaces. Often times the word “Bisexual” and “Transgender” is listed in LGBTQ organizations yet they do not want the Bi’s to say that they are Bi and resources are not there for the T. We often get the vibe of:

    “Be Bisexual but please don’t say the word. Can you just express your lesbian side when you are here”. That vibe is gut wrenching for Bisexuals* and all identified non-monosexuals (pansexuals, fluid, unlabeled bisexuals) since we don’t have a “side”. We are non-binary. We are whole beings.

    On June 5, 2013 I created the following resources for Bi* women of color (BIWOC) in hopes that we can feel “at home” as we continue to partner with L&G orgs that are ready to embrace the B&T. Its all about unity and a feeling of safety, acceptance and love.

    For more information on BIWOC:
    http://www.facebook.com/BIWOC.Community
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/BostonBIWOC/ http://www.facebook.com/groups/BostonBIPOC/ (for all genders)
    email: biwocinfo@gmail.com
    http://biwoc.tumblr.com/
    http://twitter.com/BIWOC
    http://www.meetup.com/Bi-Community-Activities

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