If you love food as much as I do, you understand a fundamental concept: if you can’t master the basics, nothing else matters. You could spend hours making the most delicious fois gras or caviar but, if you can’t make a mean pot of spaghetti* I ain’t impressed. And the same goes for sex. If you are hell bent on trying to turn back flips into the p*ssy and swing from shower rods, but have no concept of The Slow Stroke, this sexual relationship is over before it even had a chance to begin.
::insert the topic of Masturbation here::
I have met countless people who want earth shattering-whistle registry orgasms, or sex that feels like they just finished a Cross-Fit session. Yet, these same folks haven’t masturbated in weeks, months, or even years. I beg your pardon. You want someone else to introduce you to filet mignon when you feed yourself Top Ramen?! I’m hella confused by this.
One of the top reasons I hear why folks don’t masturbate is because they feel masturbation is what you do when you aren’t having sex regularly with someone. Masturbation is like the employee that is on-call. Again, I beg your pardon! If you don’t enjoy masturbating how in all hell can you expect someone to enjoy having sex with you? If your ego says, “I’m too good to masturbate,” someone else’s ego is saying they are too good to have sex with you. Now how ‘bout that?
Yes, masturbation helps inform us about the pleasurable things we enjoy, but more importantly it informs how we feel about ourselves. If you feel “dirty” and ashamed after you masturbate, do you also feel dirty and ashamed after sex with someone else? If you feel glorious after you masturbate, do you also feel glorious after you have sex with someone else? The answers to these questions tell you quite a bit about you and your sexual self.
So, have your fois gras, or escargot, or filet mignon when you feel the urge (pun definitely intended). But don’t forget the basics… Like a mean pot of spaghetti.
Court is now in session!
*Of course spaghetti can be super intricate and elaborate, but y’all know I’m trying to make a point here, so go with it.